Romance as means of redemption is the worst kind of Western medicine, but an obsession with personal transformation is an even more American tendency, or at least it is mine. In the last couple years it became a more interesting challenge to be “good” than bad. I started living alone, vacuuming my apartment weekly, saving parmesan rinds for soup, calling to negotiate better rates for utilities. I became a better cook and friend, especially to myself. These specific tasks are not meant to demonstrate adulthood, the inane fantasy of the unrigorous that there is a finite level—based often on what you can afford to own and what that implies—at which no further acquisition of skills or growth is necessary. Rather, it’s to illustrate that I now live my life in a way that suggests I care to be in it. Naturally that desire transfers to other tasks, practices, and ways of relating––what I mean is that it transfers to love.
Loyalty. Loyalty means never giving up on someone, even through doubts and differences. It’s a noun, with action, fueled by shared experiences, which are memorable, meaningful, and irreplaceable. But loyalty isn’t blind love. It shouldn’t be taken for granted. Loyalty means telling someone when they’re wrong when no one else will. And loyalty means apologizing when you’re wrong, because of the trust you’ve built over time. Loyalty is true friendship.
Dumplin’ (2018) dir. Anne Fletcher, DoP Elliot Davis
